I Became My Own Therapist

By Shane Lutkin, Co-Founder of EmotionalSkills Online (ESO)

When I left school having failed my A-levels, I went straight into manual work as a builder’s labourer. By 27, I was Sales Director of a publicly quoted company. Soon after, I went into business for myself and achieved what most would call success, a big house, cars, good holidays, the visible symbols of having “made it.” Everyone told me I was doing well, yet inside I felt desperate. I had built a life that looked successful but felt hollow. I was living a version of myself that wasn’t true.

Over time, the constant drive, pressure and pretence took their toll. I lived in what I now call the red zone,  a state of relentless stress, until eventually I crossed into the black zone of depression. The sides of that pit were steep and slippery, and climbing out felt impossible. But step by step, I began to find a route out. I learned to drop the facades, the insecurity, the defensiveness and the self criticism. I began to understand who I really was. Today, I’m comfortable in my own skin. I often joke that I’m “maintaining my state of perfection”, because I’ve realised that being good enough is, in fact, pretty good.

The Turning Point

When I moved from burnout into full breakdown, I sought help from every corner,  GPs, counsellors, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists. They each helped a little, but the collapse lasted over a decade. What I wanted was to be fixed. What I eventually discovered was that no one could fix me for me. The real work had to come from within.

That realisation became the foundation for everything that followed. I immersed myself in education and clinical training. Over time, I developed the Emotionalskills psychotherapeutic model, a structured yet flexible framework for understanding how thoughts, emotions and behaviour interact. Using this model, I guided myself through a process of self reflection, emotional regulation and self acceptance. In doing so, I became my own therapist.

From Personal Practice to Proven Model

In the last 12 years as a qualified psychotherapist, I’ve had the privilege of offering more than 20,000 hours of face-to-face therapy using the Emotionalskills model. The results have been consistently powerful, clients learning to understand their inner worlds, regulate their emotions and build genuine contentment. The same framework was successfully used by a team of therapists at Emotionalskills and from that foundation, ESO was created.

EmotionalSkills Online (ESO) is the natural evolution of that work, a digital, self guided therapy platform designed for real people experiencing real life tensions. You don’t need a diagnosis or a crisis to use it. Whether you’re feeling anxious, lost, overwhelmed or simply disconnected, ESO offers a way to explore your inner life at your own pace, in privacy and with professional guidance built into the process.

Why I Believe in Self Guided Therapy

I became my own therapist and I believe it is essential to recognise that only you can change you. Others can support, guide, encourage and inform, but the lasting transformation happens when you begin to understand yourself deeply and start working with your own mind rather than against it.

ESO’s self guided therapy isn’t a “second best” alternative, it’s a practical, accessible and empowering way to take charge of your emotional health. It’s grounded in proven psychotherapeutic principles but delivered in a flexible, private and affordable format that fits into modern life.

A Way Forward - Starting Now

You don’t have to wait for things to get worse before you begin to feel better. You don’t have to keep running the same patterns hoping something will change. ESO gives you the tools, insight and structure to start now, to recognise your reality, understand your emotions and build the contented balance that brings calm and clarity.

I became my own therapist and through ESO, you can learn to become yours too; guided, supported and in control of your own journey. Because change doesn’t start somewhere else. It starts with you.