How to Recognise Your Reality and Find Peace

We all carry a script, expectations, habits, old patterns, that whisper should, ought, must. As Dr Melanie Rendall, principal clinical psychologist at Homerton University Hospital NHS Foundation Trust, observes, this culture of relentless self comparison and goal chasing can lead us further away from what we truly value. 

At ESO, our core concept is Finding Your Unique Contented Balance. Recognising your reality, without judgement, without bypassing it, is the first step. Accepted reality doesn’t mean resigning to stagnation; it means seeing clearly, responding with clarity and moving forward from a place of peace.

Below we outline a solid framework grounded in psychology and neuroscience to help you recognise your reality and cultivate the peace that follows.

1. Why recognising your reality matters

When you deny or minimise what is, the feelings, circumstances, beliefs, you remain in tension. Psychological research places acceptance (the acknowledgement of unchosen facts) at the heart of effective emotion regulation. For example, “acceptance” as a psychological concept involves acknowledging, allowing, non-judging and non-attachment to one’s experience. 

Therapies of the third wave such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) emphasise psychological flexibility: the ability to stay present with reality, notice thoughts and feelings without being ruled by them, and act in alignment with what matters. 

In practical terms: when you say “yes, this is what’s here” and then ask “What will I do from here?”, you vacate the space of resistance and enter the space of choice. That’s when real peace begins.

2. A 3-Step ESO Framework to Recognise Your Reality and Find Peace

Step A: Acknowledge

• Take a moment now to notice how things are: thoughts, feelings, physical state, external circumstance.

• Speak quietly to yourself: “This is what is true for me right now.”

• Allow the “shoulds” and “musts” to sit beside you as historical echoes, not directives.

Step B: Allow

• Without judging “good” or “bad”, let your experience be present.

• Research shows that acceptance based skills (for example “radical acceptance” in DBT) can help negative affect return to baseline more effectively than constant re-appraisal. 

• Ask: “What part of this am I resisting?” When you drop resistance the energy around the experience shifts.

Step C: Align & Act

• From that more open stance ask: “Given what is real, what matters to me? What can I do that honours what matters?”

• This ties in with ACT’s value based action: noticing what you care about even while you may carry discomfort, then choosing one small aligned step.

• You are not trying to eliminate reality, you are trying to engage with reality plus response. That is where contented balance lives.

3. What this looks like in your everyday life

• You feel overwhelmed by work demands and personal expectations. You pause and say: “I am feeling stressed and uncertain — that’s okay.” (Acknowledge)

• You notice the mental resistance: “I shouldn’t feel like this, I must keep going.” You allow it: “This is here. I won’t fight it now.” (Allow)

• You ask: “In this moment what matters to me? I value connection and creativity. What small step can I take?” You choose: “I’ll spend 20 minutes sketching or speaking with a friend.” (Align & Act)

This is not about quick fixes or forced positivity. It is about integrity, choice and movement from authenticity.

4. Why this works from a scientific perspective

• Psychological flexibility is linked with better wellbeing, reduced emotional distress and more resilient functioning. 

• Acceptance as a regulation strategy enables non-judgemental awareness, lowers experiential avoidance and supports adaptation. 

• Behaviour aligned with values strengthens meaning, purpose and internal coherence, factors shown to improve long term emotional health.
  At ESO we combine these empirical insights with your lived story: your wants, your rhythms, your balance.

Recognising your reality is where genuine change begins. It is the moment you stop measuring yourself against someone else’s idea of success and start seeing life as it truly is, your circumstances, your limits, your values, your possibilities. When you stop resisting what is and start acknowledging it, you reclaim the energy once lost to comparison and control. You begin to act from clarity rather than pressure.

Our co-founder Shane has found this first hand. After years of feeling pulled in every direction, trying to keep up with constant demands and global noise, he recognised that he did not need to know everything or solve everything. By accepting that truth, he freed up space to focus on what he could genuinely influence; his own work, his relationships and the daily choices that brought calm and meaning. That simple shift changed how he experienced life: from constant striving to steady awareness.

At ESO, we believe that recognising your reality is not surrender but self understanding. The first step towards strength, direction and peace. Because when you truly see what is, you can finally choose what could be.